The Planet of the Apes Meets Online Poker
I’m sure everyone at one time or another has seen a painting of a group of gentlemanly canines engaged in an anthropomorphic game of poker as created by Cassius Coolidge in his wonderful series of poker playing dog paintings. But check this out, the artists whimsicality was not entirely removed from reality. You may be nave enough to think that chips and chimps cannot play together as a team and it sounds more like something out of a Douglas Adams novel. Should you ever play online poker with a player who has an ape photo for his icon, it may not have been just a player with an odd sense of humor, the dude that took your money by his excellent play may really be a poker playing primate. I kid you not. Apes can do a lot more than wield tools in this twenty first century of technological advances and “intelligence explosion” they can also beat you at online poker.
Primate Programming Inc has established that great apes (sharing 97% of their DNA with us) make efficient IT specialists. Individuals are employed by PPI, undergo training and offer their services to PPI clients for peanuts. A later PPI discovery was that the same employees, for purposes of pastime or secondary sources of income, are capable of being taught to play online poker, evincing particular talent for no-limit Texas Hold’em.
These card-playing apes are drawn to no-limit poker due to their natural bent for playful displays of aggression. So, this particular feature enables them to be particularly proficient at aggressive bluffing. In no-limit games, any player can bet his entire wad at any time, a strategy (?) requiring risky, aggressive behavior and the ability to retain a poker face while bluffing.
Since online poker games are anonymous, this helps our poker playing primates. You cannot determine who is of the human persuasion versus the ape persuasion. The human types have actually lost thousands of dollars to a player who played the early rounds with betting very little money and showed lame cards on a regular basis then out of the blue bet big time, of course, everyone in the game called, and the big time better revealed aces. Our winner was undoubtedly jumping up and down and pounding his chest in glee.
Apparently, and not coincidentally, the primate poker players early employment as computer programmers led them to independently, according to PPI, create programs to aid and abet their poker game. PPI is not talking about the specific contents of these programs. These apes could have a professional online poker career, but that is not their nature. Once outside the office, they will probably neglect their training and revert to being the real primates they are, propelling themselves with their arms from branch to branch and climbing fences. In any case as long as they are paid, fed and have their girlfriends and boyfriends nearby, they will continue with their poker games. Authors of no-limit poker books should take note. They may have to come up with some rewrites.
For the past several years, Norm McAuliffe, a Yale biology Phd and the scientist heading the research team behind the discovery of programmer apes, has been investing money and effort into a Primate Poker Inc, “hiring” profitable ape-players to play for money in rotating shifts, 24 hours a day. He has been quoted as saying: “I’m completely committed to this business model. It is reasonable to say I am “all in”.
The author of this article plays poker online and receives Rakeback at Absolute Poker. He is also a contributer at Rakeback Solution.
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